went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
