I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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