remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
