If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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