Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
