Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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