Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
