Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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