Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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