ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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