It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
