I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
