I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
