i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
