My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
