did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
