ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
