Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
