Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am mentally ready for anal.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
