the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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