I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
