Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
