if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
