My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it because I queefed?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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