ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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