**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
