i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
