Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
