do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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