it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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