I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
