He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
