i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's shark week go big or go home
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
