Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️