Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!