I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high