allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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