I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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