You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
