I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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