Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
