Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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