why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
