yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
