I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize