Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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