sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
