not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
