I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
