Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My vagina is very pro this idea
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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