I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
