Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
