Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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