i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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