Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
