It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
