Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
