You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
