6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You ruined the universe
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize