After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
