He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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