He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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