he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There r osticjed everywhere
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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