I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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