Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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