the condom got lost in my hair
barbara walters just said penis...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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