I don't usually arrange sex via text message
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
