so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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