It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
