Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
