Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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